Lesbians walk a fine line between craving uniqueness and wanting badly to be
recognized by their fellow queers and embraced within lesbian culture. This has led to the mass replication of a very particular style, which consists a series of unfortunate yet easily recognized pieces. The majority of lesbians want, at all times, to feel like they just stepped out of a poolside party on the set of the L Word, or off a page of a Ralph Lauren Rugby catalog.
There is one universal truth about lesbians: Every lesbian on earth thinks she is extremely fashionable and groundbreaking in her choice of attire. In Lesbian Law, no matter where a lesbian finds herself, whether it is at her place of work, on vacation with her parents, or at an HRC rally, she must have at least two dykey accessories on her person at all times. These can include, but are not limited to: leather cuff bracelets, aviator sunglasses, men’s watches, multiple bracelets on one wrist, thick silver rings, men’s undershirts, rugby shirts, a hat of any kind (typically used to mask a poor choice of hairstyle), and flip-flops no matter the temperature outside. Lesbians have reclaimed these items from straight males, whom they often talk about despising but secretly emulate in almost every way.
Also, lesbian stereotyping over the past few decades has led to a movement of younger lesbians who defy the lesbian fashions of the older generation. Young lesbians consider their styles so fresh and modern that they take every opportunity possible to judge the attire of older, employed lesbians, otherwise known as “married lesbians.” As unfortunate as it is true, there appears to be a certain age in lesbianhood when a lesbian loses all ability to dress herself in socially acceptable garments. Once a lesbian reaches the age of 29, her entire wardrobe becomes exclusively composed of khaki cargo shorts, ill-fitting collared shirts and inappropriately casual athletic wear, that will cause younger lesbians much pain and confusion.
It is common to overhear a young lesbian muttering snidely to her friends, “PLEASE kill me if you ever see me wear socks with Birkenstocks like that when we’re older.” If you are in the young lesbian’s company, it is advised that you laugh and agree that the older lesbians have deplorable style. Defending the attire choices of older lesbians will only cause the young lesbians to turn against you and view you as a threat to their dominance in the urban-style environment.
Brands are also very important to lesbians and represent where they believe they stand on their perceived spectrum of high to low-class lesbians. Young, empowered, wealthy college-age lesbians refuse to wear brands sold in department stores with the exception of premium jeans. It should be noted that lesbian jeans will fit into one of two categories: slim-fit/skinny or low-rise/baggy; there is no middle ground. Their two stores of choice are unequivocally Urban Outfitters and American Apparel, which are viewed as ultimately cooler and more hip than any other, though end up perpetuating the mass-produced young lesbian uniform.
-DDE
